It is there. Always. It's hiding. It wants to come out. I almost can thing back to that book that for two years, I've had such a hard time reading and following. I just picked it up and started reading it again. "Eat. Pray. Love." The writer talks about her depression and loneliness and how it haunts her like two individuals that just appear.
I am resisting a tear, a frown, an influx of feelings coming on. I don't what it is. Why it's come back? Why does it happen to me? Why?
Am I not healthy? Do I not have work? More than enough work? Children that love and adore me? Is that not enough? Why do I pain so much? Why is it so excruciatingly painful?
This battle with myself is downhill today. The minute my body crosses over the office threshold, it starts. This not right. Not sage, incense or power of positive thought can save my inner distress. I am soo distracted, confused and without direction, it hurts.
I want to feel sorry for my self. I want to be disappointed. I want to encourage my sense or lack of unaccomplishment.
The tears have halted. I feel anxiousness and some relief somehow. Yet, like the writer of that book. I know it lurks, it will still be there in a little while, tomorrow, the day after. I really don't like that. I fear. - MEOW MEOW
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