Life goals - Is this Mid-Life Crisis?

I was having a conversation with my friend Mickey about things I want to work on. I had to laugh at my self. I said, "are there other people like my self who want to do so much?" We were talking about projects and interests. I kept talking about wanting to take some art classes, some baking classes, pick up on my writing and take acting classes. For real? All of that? Is that at all possible to do all that and why?

Is it that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up? Or is it my bucket list still?

When I was younger, in high school, I was extremely talented in art, very artistic. I really enjoyed it. It was the late 80's and the future in art was so unknown. We were still learning MS Dos on computers and there was talk of graphic design as an art option. My parents weren't even really interested in me going to college; it was up to me to decide if there was anything that I wanted to pursue. Like my mom said then, "no one studies art or makes money on art until their dead." Then, came the option of something practical like business. Yes, I took classes in art in college but never followed through.

I loved to bake and even looked at culinary schools at the time. There was a school which is well known now but was so remote and far away, Rhode Island was not an option. Now, Johnson and Wales and many years later AND many culinary schools later have grown as has the whole culinary craze. Here I am still just now discovering at age 39 that milk and lemon equals buttermilk. I still can't figure out how to make my muffins fluffy without over mixing. I remember when I would say to my mom I wanted to own a bakery and bake away and she would say that I would get fat. Guess what? I don't own a bakery. I am still fat. Here I am years after pining away for my coffee bakery shop. I have had concepts like the Drawing Room (a Victorian Tea room), The Hot Spot (a wifi bakery in Peru) and Two Fat Ladies Bakery.

Then, there was my writing. I used to write those notes between friends, the kind that were ten pages long even if I saw my friends daily. Then, we got into writing short stories to each other and who could weave a windier tale than the next. Then, there was all my diary writing. In my adulthood, there was wonderful college essays that I love to reread and admire my own poignancy. Heh heh. I even got to the point of working on show treatments, concepts and patent writing. Now, I'm onto writing a play idea. Hence, the idea of taking acting classes.

...and baking classes and art classes. And can I do it? Hell yeah. I have to. I have an insatiable desire to master my interests. I have a desire to finish what I started. Does that mean completing my bucket list? Absolutely.

I made a list before I was thirty and did not complete even half of those things. Here I am a decade later and still looking for completion. Write a book. Write a play. Whatever. Do big events. Own my bakery. Bake my own concoctions. Paint. Master watercolor.

Of course, I must be the master of my own creativity. If that means that at age 40, I now become a creative business entrepreneur and artist in many ways that I have wanted to be, then allow self-evolution. It's time now to give up two decades lost in depression, self-anger, hesitation and time to let the universe take what it has claimed the day I was born.

--MEOW MEOW