I'd like to think I taught my best friend well. Well, I'd like to say she is one of my best friends. I have several friends that I care for greatly and each one I love differently valuing differently for whom they are. With that said, this friend has been dear to me for more than 18 years or so. We've had our ups and downs like everyone but have managed to work it out. We've lived through both of ours - but mostly hers - new-and-soon-very-bored-with or complicated friendships that were tossed away. I know, that sounds callous "tossed" as if no value of importance was a part of that friendship. Yet, when we would evaluate someone knew who had the value of the unknown and if one unpleasant trait outweighed and good ones, "bye bye." It has been easy for me to since I really only take someone close to heart rarely (time is both of ours enemy as is a family). Whereas, my friend is single and time is still on her side to go shopping, to the movies, dancing, dinner and therefore, alternate "new friend of the season." Then, the bosom buddiness would wear off; someone's ugliness or true self would beam through and eval time came along. I would always say to my friend to treasure her time and not "give" so much of herself but to give to someone who really truly valued it.
Me, for example. Because even with the little time that I have, I would make sure that we spend quality time - church, catching up, helping each other out (if there was a need for that) or just a lending ear. She seemed to understand that. She starting cutting loose "friendships" that were not beneficial to her persona and soul and I applauded for it.
Therefore, I applaud her now because I am the one she has decided to cut loose. After much upset on my part for a couple or reasons, her response was to "I'll just delete your phone number." It wasn't " I'm sorry" or even if it was "I'm sorry" some kind of dialogue denying any wrong doing. And to her it may not have been any wrong doing but I certainly felt it was.
I felt jilted. I felt ignored. Everytime I called or made plans to do something, there was no time for me. Once I got dissed on my bday, I really got mad and decided, I'm not calling, I'm not taking calls, I'm not texting, I'm not nothing. And I didn't. She got the picture. She also called me after having just recently left me a message after another one which as about a month and a half of not talking to each other. Now, she left me a very angry message as if she didn't know why I was upset.
That made me madder. I called her back and said to not dare to leave me a message, that I was too old for that. More so, she gave me more reason as to why I didn't want to speak to her. Now, I had planned on just forgetting everything because I knew I was being childish. Usually, I get upset, I don't say anything and let things just tide over. I had thought "this isn't very Christian of me" and I do love her so forget about it. But, her call left me so upset that she had no inkling of recognition that I could not just sit there and ignore her message.
Although I may sound like a selfish brat, I know that she is being more egotistical than I.
My just writing this is my way of trying to figure out, "am I wrong?" I think I might be. But guess what?
I am also very disappointed. This was not the reaction I expected and I think it portrays a lot of the ugly truth about this person that I have known for years (knowing some of her selfishness, egoism and more). On the other hand, she has also been countless of times, selfless, kind and a ear of support. But right now, all I can think of was her response.
"I'm deleting your number on my phone." That "my friends" and non-friends, is called friendship disappointment. This one was worth writing about. The others have not been.
